I expected to have a daughter. Even at the age of 40 I’m still hopeful. This is NOT a solicitation. I live out my mother-daughter fantasies through my relationship with my 13 year old niece Ana. Last night I found myself fantasizing about how I would spend Mother’s Day 2013 if I had a 13 year old daughter.
7:00 AM- My daughter and I go for a five mile run. She slows down to my pace. She knows I like to run side by side. I smile at her patience and say, “run at your pace. I’m right behind you.” I am happy that I found a way to teach her to be healthy without making her obsess over calories. I hope she loves her body and does not feel the anxiety that I felt at her age. This is my fantasy.
8:30 AM – We drive to Bittersweet, it’s on the other side of town (we live in SoLo) but it’s our favorite place. We have hot chocolate and scones. I remember the first time I brought her here. She was three. We had hot chocolate and scones. I said to her, “ Angel, I bet you heaven smells like this.” I call her Angel. I tell her this story. This is my fantasy.
10:15 AM- We get to Metropolitan Community Church a little early. Dad meets us here. We look for Johnnie. She did not have any children…either. Johnnie claims me as her daughter. I share mine with her. My daughter and I sit on each side of Johnnie. We compliment her on her jazzy hat, her vintage dress and bag. Oh and those shoes! We tell her we love her. She feels like a Mom…today. She shares in my fantasy.
12:30 PM- Dad’s planning something special for later. He drops us off at the Water Tower. My daughter is a teenager now. She just had a birthday. She’s born in May, like me. I want to teach her about the quiet ways we, as women take care of ourselves. I take her to Pink by Victoria’s Secret for her first age appropriate (yes, I’m a fun but conservative Mom) “fancy” bras and panties. I tell her that this is for you. NO ONE will see these, but always wear beautiful things that make you feel pretty. I shop for myself at La Perla, this is my fantasy.
3:00 PM- We stop at The Drake Hotel for tea. She has tea, I have champagne. This is my fantasy. We talk for a long time and then we sit quietly. I’m happy. I have a daughter.
6:00 PM – Dad takes us to Roy’s. It’s our favorite. We decide on three entrees and eat those tapas style. This is what we do. Before we leave Dad hands us each an envelope and says, “Happy Mother’s Day.” Tickets to Paris! We leave next week. Paris with my daughter! This is my fantasy.